fact: i'm writing in georgia font because i like the idea of me leaving state. massachusetts? believe it or not, i actually found a place in everett. take me seriously, everybody. description: 2 bedroom, luxurious, bright and spacious suite for rent! i want this. the thought of building life outside of pennsylvania sounds phenomenal. besides working and starbucks' venti berry refreshers and tall unsweetened green teas, i've been entertaining the idea of new living arrangements, a new job description, an english bulldog and north shore community college. i've never been so adult. your parents would love me.
today was one of those days i'd like to go "dear diary" on you. one, when i drive i can barely hold a conversation with my passengers, or hear my music unless the volume is on 28. that is loud. of course i don't mind, but i like to hear myself harmonize with coldplay's lead singer chris martin. the point is, however, my car drives loud on the inside? strange. two, plain and simple, i woke up in a bad mood. why was i sleeping on my overnight shift? don't worry about it; that's your opinion i was sleeping. three, when i had my nails done after my breakup, i asked for a happy color. bright pink. bad decision, i should have stuck with my all time favorite manhattan sunset. it's earthy and matches everything. dang.
i picked up my guitar today and made a vow to never keep it in my trunk, in my closet, at my parents or at your house. i started songwriting again, which created the dream again to not only have a career, but to also be a performing artist. instrumentalists, i need you. nashville i need you?
i'm losing hair like crazy everytime i attempt to move it out of my face. it is all over starbucks' floor (sorry liz!) and my pant legs. gross. honest time, it has not been washed for several days, and by "several" i mean too many days to tell. it's such an inconvenience to wash in a small shower that has to be timed, 15 minutes tops. thank God for girlfriend jackie tyger and her spare house key. i'd definitely be a slob otherwise, let's be honest. and there you have it, today's confessions. now, back to adulthood.
just like blogging, i've started running. i try not to have spare time, i like to be busy and directional. i fear being seated if my mind is unoccupied. i've been saving the green, building life from what seems to be scratch. it's pretty that way. some of the best elements for successful building are unfamiliar, sometimes unsafe, and shapely, so much that experiences are more dynamic and colorful. i could eat that sentence up for dinner it's so good.
agree with me. too many people live by hand-me-down values and beliefs. poor souls. life perception is skewed that way and independence is dependent. and everything is about money. talk about a stressful topic. i work two jobs and am looking into transferring to a community college (north shore). money doesn't grow on trees, okay mom and dad, but i'm sure life is more affordable than i am making it out to be. soon enough i will be a home owner. give me a handful of years, fine, but establishment is on its way, i promise you.
so you're concerned about how i am doing after my breakup. maybe yes? jon foreman couldn't have said it better: heaven knows i'm trying to find a cure for the pain. i am a strong woman, don't think i'm not. and your pity is not something i'm needing. i visited my mom today and she told me the church is holding a picnic today and i should come. uh, no thank you, i'm still not ready for the "how are you," "what is new," "where is (insert name here)" conversation. you will never know the weight of my shame; i am still recovering. when i told my mom i would be too socially awkward and uncomfortable to go, she told me i am fine. let me just say that is the worst thing to hear, someone telling you who you are and how you are. welcome to my life. it took all i had to keep my cool. understand, i've been in so many yelling matches, been burnt by the heat of someone else's anger, that whether i or you like it or not, metaphorically my fists are clenched and i'm ready for a fight, a verbal war.
i bit the inside of my lip like the entire drive to clymer then to indiana. jackie was with me, and i swear she felt the heat. i would have cried, but i refused because i live by this formular: sad/angry emotions + people present = keep it to yourself, alyssa. sadly, i learned the anger that was in the relationship had undoubtedly taken residence in my heart. i could feel every single argument we've ever had swelling up in me. i'm coming back to me though, scouts honor. God makes beautiful things, my readers.
okay, so this seems like such an abrupt end here, but i need to get to choich.
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