happy vs unhappy. you pick.

okay.  it's time to actually post and not have a million untidy, scattered unread drafts and fragmented thoughts.  i will be hitting 22 weeks in my pregnancy, this upcoming tuesday.  and, we are having a girl!!  phoebe alexandra grace mims.  my heart has become brand new.  

besides many failed attempts to make the perfect bowl of oatmeal for myself, many changes have been, and are, overcrowding my life, and peeling from it.  i'm no longer in the military, as of 1 april this year.  i cannot begin to tell you the overwhelming joy and sense of relief i have.  not fitting somewhere is an undignified sense of settlement, and a swap of characters to make it or break it.  let me give you an example.  i love people.  sarcasm is also a sport.  hating your job, not fitting the description, you have, by accident, RBF (resting bitch face) matched with sarcasm that, by accident, is rudeness.  so congratulations, you have now become unbecoming in your unhappiness.  you are altogether an "un-everything".  when you are unhappy, you are unkept.

i changed my location.  like old times, i'm at starbucks.  i used to be a starbucks citizen who knew all the baristas at my home spot, but being out of state, it's a done deal and hello's are a new thing.  being a civilian, i love people interaction again.  respect isn't forced and evaluated, it is just what it is.  no such thing as rank and taller people; you see eye to eye.  no longer boxed inside the outside of myself, i'm pursuing life and certifications, hoping that i become certified in other beautiful, more colorful areas of life.  i have to be happy.  it's honestly imperative for me to be.            

in a nut+shell

let me just fast forward a-z:  

a. i joined the air force 2014.

b. i became a cop.  so fitting, right?
c. i met a man.

d. i married a man.

e. he has two middle names.

f. this man.  michael markus billee mims.
g. august 22, 2015 we got married at the courthouse.

h. kept that top secret, of course.

i. got our first place together. 

j. december 26, 2015 tested positive.

k. the above picture ^

l. our little bean!!

m. mmkay, lets talk... 

this is such a foreign concept now:  blogging.  i'm sitting at my table; countertop is sticky on my bare arm from clumsy orange eating.  juices everywhere.  it's been a restless kind of day though, tossing and turning while i'm wide awake, so things like this sometimes go unnoticed.  

as of late i've been entirely disconnected from myself.  i've forgotten the alphabet, have been counting numbers zero to ten, then back to seven, eight and nine.  i'm practically unintelligent and infant.  ducks aren't in a row.  my ocd self has dishes left to do and a shirt on the floor.  moments like this, the whiplash of my own famous wonder and thinking, it brings me to a standstill.  well, this one, this standstill has me unlike me.  quite honestly, today has been the most unbecoming i can ever recall being.  of course, i love my goal setting and analytical thoughts, including all those little endeavors that later have me soaring.  having setbacks, they're okay, because they can give such an adrenaline rush, and usually are accompanied by some kind of opportunity and sophistication.   but this.  it's something else.  

i'll finish my alphabet soon.

goodnight, dear reader.